Friday, 27 March 2015

Old at the age of 29

I was officially diagnosed on Monday with {fibromyalgia}.  I can't say I'm surprised, but at the same time . . . it is so alien to think of myself in terms of being ill.  I.  Have.  Fibromyalgia.  I have a chronic illness.  It will never go away, and I will have it for the rest of my life.  I am one of those people you read about in magazines or inspirational lifestyle blogs or who get interviewed on Oprah.

I am old at the age of 29.

At the same time, I don't really believe it.  I'm just sick?  For no reason?  How can I just accept this?  I have two children who need me, one who has autism.  I have so much I want to do and too much to offer.  Why would God make someone with all these potentialities and then hold her back?

Then I think, I should come to terms with the fact my life is going to have to be different than I always hoped it would be.  That I'll have to turn down trips and visits and experiences.  That I'll have to let go of hobbies and vocational aspirations.  It's humbling; and it is good for me to practice surrendering to God's will.  But--


I don't want to lie down and take it first without a fight.  I have to be sure, otherwise what am I giving up?  If it turned out that there was a misdiagnosis, or that I could have done something to ease my symptoms or put them into remission, why would't I attempt that?  That's just asking to grow a secret garden of regret.

So what is the next step?

It's going to be a slow process.  Hours, weeks of logged research, money spent on books and food, and the emotional strain of going after doctors and putting myself out there for ridicule and criticism. It's overwhelming, to say the least.  There's tons of information out there; I'll have to sift through what is genuine and what is fad, what is right for me versus right for other people.  Not looking forward to that.

Here's where I'm starting:

As you can see, an already intimidating list.  I don't even know where to begin.  Advice?

'Cause I'm too young to feel this old.


  1. I will email you. But I can tell you right now that you do NOT have to give up on anything. Keep in mind that you also have young children and recently gave birth - that also is impacting how you are feeling. And you are not old. I know it's overwhelming to feel crummy but don't let it depress you.

    1. Thank you for your e-mail! Will reply soon. xx

  2. I'm so sorry Christie. I'll keep you in my prayers!

  3. Sending prayers. You are a very strong women. You are doing a great job. Your boys are so very lucky. Sending our love. Hang in there.

  4. It's hard making sense of suffering at our young age, especially when we are in the midst of young ones. I don't have fybromialgia but I did herniate two lower discs in my back and will from here on out have to tend and somehow not make it worse for all the years of mothering and life to come. It's constantly in the forefront. Please know I'm praying for you. That you are able to find something that helps ease your pain and that you never lose hope! It can be so hard to get lost in the stream of crumminess and negative thoughts! So many prayers!

    1. Oh Amanda, thank you! People have been so kind and I feel like my complaining is a bit insufferable these days with all the horrible things going on . . . Syria and whatnot. I am feeling MUCH better, actually, and I don't know how much of it was just not bouncing back from pregnancy and childbirth. At the time I wrote this I thought that I was going to have to live with daily crippling pain, and even though I'm not (for now) I need to always remember that I could have and be grateful!


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